It has taken me a while to sit down and write an update. Unless you are living under a rock, or are remote from any sort of communication with the entire world (which would be weird if you were reading this post anyway), I am sure I am not giving you any new news regarding COVID-19, the pandemic, and the massive changes, and challenges, that it has placed on people....EVERYWHERE!
You might think, "Why wouldn't you have time to update a blog, I mean we were shut inside our homes for two whole months?" Well you obviously don't have small children with you during quarantine. Keeping a social 5-year-old girl, who just became best friends with our new next door neighbor right before quarantine, and a 20-month-old boy, who constantly thinks he is on a climbing expedition on Mt. Everest, happy and busy takes literally every ounce of my mental and physical energy. AND. SO. MANY, SNACKS.
So here is my update, and MY new normal...
A week after I received the news that my Melanoma had returned, I had my third surgery to remove the margins around the tumor they removed from my breast. I was relieved that yet again my crack team of doctors could get my in so quickly, but the date of the surgery was literally the day before we closed on our new house. Super crazy and hectic, and I feel so terrible about my husband having to finish up the packing and moving all my himself, but I was also relieved that I didn't have to finish packing of help move all of the stuff with him. I am so thankful for our friends for their help too, it would have been so much worse of a transition without them.
Though the surgery's pathology came back with clear margins, I still needed to get an MRI and a PETScan to make sure that none of it went to my brain. The scans were easy enough. I'm not claustrophobic in any way, neither were super uncomfortable. During the PETScan, I actually dozed off a few times if you can believe that.
The only part that I hated was when they injected me with the radioactive tracer for the PETScan and then I had to drink this awful "lemonade" flavored contrast drink while the shot marinaded inside me.
The worst part was the waiting. The waiting for the pathology. The waiting for the scan results. It was this that caused my first panic attack. I didn't even realize what was happening to me. I was trying to keep busy all day, stay positive, and not think about it. But beneath the surface I was racing with anticipation and worry.
It started towards the end of the work day. I began feeling nauseous. I thought maybe it was the snack I had just eaten, I think it was some sort of granola bar that I didn't normally eat. It got worse and worse and then on the way home I began vomiting. Thank goodness I had a large YETI tumbler from my coffee that morning, because it was the only thing that saved my car interior from the granola bar I had just eaten. At one point I pulled over to compose myself (and empty the tumbler on the side of the road). Once I felt I was over it, I continued on home only to start vomiting again. It was awful. I realize when I got home that I was having an anxiety attack, but only because I had read from some other cancer survivors and warriors who had posted about their own #scanxiety experiences. They have helped me so much through this new stage.
When I finally got back the results, both scans were clear. NO MORE CANCER! But I knew that this couldn't be the end because I had heard that before. "The margins are clear. We got it all!", only to have it return as stage 4 two years later. I was determined to make sure that we had a plan moving forward, and not just a "Ill see you every 6 months for a check up" plan.
I was so happy when I met with my doctor and he shared my determination to make sure that this time we got it. He said that I would be put on immunotherapy, (Keytruda), for 12 treatments, one every 3 weeks for a year, with quarterly PETScans.
Now I have been through 4 treatments, with minimal side effects, and I feel like I am starting to get back to normal, or new normal.
It probably is similar to other people's new normal in this time of COVID uncertainty. I am working from home virtually, trying to stay busy, socially distancing myself, staying home as much as possible, and staying 6 ft away from others when I do leave my house. But I am also wearing a mask whenever I go places publicly. I am going in for treatments every three weeks. I am managing my anxiety with exercise, sleep, and medication when I need it. I am checking my skin regularly between my dermatology appointments. I am wearing protective clothing and being in the shade as much as I can when we are outside. And I am wearing sunscreen everyday.
Comments